babo babo babo

So. Kibum.

I am not even really sure where to go with this so I am going to start typing and see what comes out. I just really really need to talk about him right now okay?

Short version: Being a snower is kind of hard sometimes okay, we spend months waiting for pictures we aren’t sure are coming and we get to watch other Super Junior fans freak out about new things their biases are doing daily while we keep our minds on September 28th creeping closer and closer. But then, out of nowhere, he rewards us for our patience and support just by being his amazing self. His chosen path made it a little harder on us, but it is worth it just knowing he is doing what he wants. Seeing a new picture of Kibum is like seeing him for the first time. Every single time. My heart skips a beat, my stomach sinks, and I lose the ability to function rationally while I just.. admire him. There is nobody else in the world I could do this for, but I am more than happy to wait for him because he always has something amazing to give us.

Long version, and I do mean long, under the cut.

So I mean it is p. obvious being a snower can be kind of.. difficult sometimes, for lack of a better word because that sounds kind of ridic. But in the realm of kpop, really his separation from SJ is the most difficult thing I deal with. And what is so frustrating about it is that he is never really gone gone because.. he is still a part of them, just.. in a ver. different way. And I don’t want to be a wompy mcwomperson every time SJ does something new, but there is always this pang because he isn’t there. And it’s not like.. I hold any ill will towards him at all for choosing not to be there, because I am so proud of him for choosing to do what he wanted to do instead toughing it out for a bunch of strangers who think they get to tell him what to do with his life, but that doesn’t make it not hurt. I won’t lie, sometimes it makes Super Junior harder to enjoy. When a new song comes out you can’t help but wonder what Kibum’s rap would have sounded like, or if he would have gotten a little singing part a la Sapphire Blue or Haengbok. Time and time again I have tried to picture Kibum doing choreo from songs he will never be a part of. Every performance, every photoshoot, every set of endorsements.. there is this longing that never goes away.

But like I said, he is never really gone gone because he is ver. much pursuing an acting career and working towards it every day. The problem with that is the dry spells and we were just in one. We know he is there, we just cannot see him. Those endorsements were a little over two months ago and all we could do was wait for any kind of news, maybe a picture. Super Junior released teasers and an album and started promoting and.. I don’t mean to sound whiny about it but I get an anon every so often reminding me that I have bailed on Kibum, but more often than that they say I don’t even care about Super Junior anymore. So I just want to explain again that.. most of you were on pins and needles waiting for your bias’ teaser to show up. You knew it would, and even if you feared it was going to be horrible, do not tell me you weren’t excited. I mean I was excited for you! But while you speculated what piece of horrible clothing your bias would be in, I focused on Kibum’s drama, only a couple months away now I can wait. You guys had a video to look forward to, seeing your bias dancing with the rest of them. But for me, still, Kibum’s drama getting closer day by day, the waiting will be worth it, just have to be patient. Then music shows, photo shoots, press conferences, interviews.. the same thing. You get new pictures, video, anything, and I am sitting, waiting. I don’t know if it is one person who keeps coming back or a few people who felt like telling me what I should be doing, but unless you are a knight or a camomile you really do not know what that feels like. And if you are a knight or a camomile I really do not think you would be saying anything at all because you know what it feels like. So like.. I mean I do not care at all what anybody thinks about my brand of fangirling because I mean really. That’s why I never post any of it because.. do not care, ya.

But anyway whining over whatever tonight is a happy night, hahahha.

Even with all of that, being a snower is so.. incredible, hahahah. It is a really unique fandom.. more rumors than you know what to do with and it doesn’t take you long to learn to ignore all of them. You go through these periods of black outs with no information whatsoever, but then he will just pop up out of nowhere. And it is the most incredible feeling in the world. It is like.. forcing yourself to go a really long time without eating your favorite food so when you finally eat it again it feels like the best meal you ever had. And so every new picture of Kibum is like my birthday or something. And he always looks amazing and he always puts a smile on my face and no matter what it is it makes my day. He makes you completely forget you just went two months without hearing anything about him, or that you will more than likely go another two without anything else. Except this time, we know we won’t have to. When is the last time we could say that?

This drama.. oh god snowers what are we going to do, hahahahah. Even if he has one line per episode, how exciting is it going to be waiting for that line? After months and months of hoping for a picture, having a new episode to look forward to every week.. what are we going to do? I am so so excited to experience this with other snowers. It sounds so ridiculous but it is going to be amazing.

Kibum is never not on my mind. I have said it like three times already but earlier tonight I was thinking about all the things that make him great, why it is so easy to stick with him.. even when it isn’t easy at all. Like there is no other option but to wait for him, because nobody could ever replace him. I have seen a lot of people bail on him over the past year or so, and I guess I don’t really blame them, though it does really really hurt my heart. But there are so many people who feel the way I do and I just really hope he knows that and can feel it.